About a decade ago or so, Natalie and I took the kids to Northlake Mall on a Saturday to get them some shoes at Stride-Rite.  It was a nice day and the kids were excited because right beside the Stride-Rite store where the clerks would make them try on shoes stood a really neat play area for children.  I don’t know if any of y’all remember it, it’s long gone now, unfortunately.  The area was enclosed by a half-wall and it was a long oval.  Throughout the entire space were large, ceramic statues of Looney Tunes characters, I believe.  Seems like there was a large Bugs Bunny but I could be wrong about that.  Anyway, Natalie had some other errands to run in the mall so that left me with the kids.  Thankfully, all along the inside of that half wall were couches for parents to sit on in order to watch their kids.  It was packed being a mid-day Saturday at the mall but I found a spot.  I immediately took out my phone and began checking messages, fooling around on social media, you know the deal.  But then, for some odd reason, I caught a glimpse of some kids running around.  Kids run around all of the time, right, no big deal.  But what struck me were the giant smiles on their faces.  They were having fun the way only children can sometimes, completely unburdened by the world around them, they were swept up in whatever game they were playing in the moment.  The sight of that joy on those kids faces made me take a moment to survey the room.  Suddenly I was aware that these weren’t the only children having fun.  No, in fact the entire play place was swamped with kids all experiencing such great joy.  It was positively infectious.  I simply couldn’t take my eyes off of this spinning, whirling, running gaggle of children with their laughter and unadulterated happiness.

It was after a few moments of just watching the kids that my mind wandered onto another group.  US, the parents that is.  I circled the couches with my eyes and lo and behold what should I discover?  Out of all the parents there that moment, I was the only one seemingly watching the kids.  Every other set of eyes I could see was intently affixed on a little plastic and glass square they were holding in their hands.  That’s right.  Everyone was playing with their phones.          They were missing it.  The Joy.  The happiness.  Now look, I don’t say that to try and make myself look enlightened.  Remember, I was just another set of eyes affixed on a screen at the beginning.  No, what I realized is that we, as a society, were becoming more and more self-absorbed and here was visual proof – an entire room of parents gazing at their phones while their precious children were having the time of their lives.

That day serves for me as a visual reminder of a truth that is just now starting to emerge in our society in the era of social media.  We forget sometimes as we scroll through our Facebook or X (formerly Twitter) feeds that the social media experiment is only around 20 years old.  Sometimes it takes that long before a thing’s effects begin to show up.  But the preponderance of the evidence being brought forth at this time sure seems to indicate that, across the globe, we are becoming more individualistically focused.  Now, let me just let you in on a little something here.  That’s a polished-up way of saying “selfish.”  When you become more individualistically minded, that just means that you’re spending an increasing amount of time thinking about, you guessed it, yourself.

“We didn’t become bad or broken or selfish overnight. We just got carried away by this belief that we didn’t really need each other, and by the delusion of being connected to the bigger picture through our phones- forgetting of course that it is the details of the smaller picture which make up the bigger whole.  We began to prioritize quick chats over the affectionate touch of a friend’s hand and taking online surveys have accrued more value than sharing our struggles with family at the dinner table. We began to mistake emojis for human feelings, and we forgot that likes aren’t actual smiles.  And that they will never be.”

Now look, that’s not all social media’s fault.  I don’t make that claim.  Rather it could be the case that social media is exacerbating a trend that needs no further acceleration.  Now friends, I think we can all agree, this isn’t a good thing.

But wait, you might say.  How can I be more selfish if I’m a member of all sorts of groups and clubs online through social media?  I connect with other people you might say.  Ah, but that’s where we’re finding the that we’re just hitting the tip of the iceberg.  You see, social media only gives a faint approximation of real, human connection.  Now what do I mean by that?

You know how all those social media sites have alerts, generally a little red flag somewhere.  Well, those little red flags do a great job of allowing your brain to fire a little dopamine into your system giving you a momentary sense of feeling good.  I mean, isn’t it nice when you flash over to say Facebook and you see that little red flag.  “Somebody is thinking about me” is your brain’s first reaction and you feel good.  And maybe this time it’s a message from a long-lost friend.  That’s always nice, to reconnect with someone friendly from your past.  Maybe the next time, one of the group’s that you’re involved with is having an event that they’re announcing.  Regardless of what it is, you just want that next red flag to appear to give you another jolt of feel good.  But you know what, pretty soon you’re hooked, constantly checking social media, quietly hopeful that this time you check, there will be one of those sparkling red flags you’re looking for.  It’s a brain hijack.  Those little red flags have a way of dominating your attention span and keep you coming back time and time again to your social media sites.  Worse still, while you’re waiting around for that next red flag, you miss out on actually calling a friend and having a conversation on the phone.  Maybe, just maybe, you get so caught up on what’s going on social media that you allow in-person friendships to dwindle down.  After all, you think, your social needs are getting met, what’s the difference?